April Fool's! Roadkill Jerky

In honor of April Fool's Day, what better trick to play than to give one's culprit a gift of roadkill jerky. Who would ever suspect such a thing as a practical joke? (Frankly, it doesn't have to be roadkill, but they didn't need to know that.) Just make sure that they have the same sense of humor as you and no quick access to a gun or phone. It is a little hard to explain to an officer of the law the humor behind the joke. For added special effect, have a couple of buddies take pictures of some roadkill to flash around as bragging rights.

Below is the recipe as followed:

1 ½ to 2 pounds of boneless lean meat

¼ cup soy sauce

1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce

¼ teaspoon black pepper

¼ teaspoon garlic powder

½ teaspoon onion powder or onion flakes

1 teaspoon Hickory smoke or liquid smoke

Make sure to trim away the fat, cutting the meat into thin ¼ to ½ inch thick strips, across the grain. Combined the sauces and spices, then pour over the meat in a large bowl. Mix lightly then let stand overnight in the refrigerator. Drain the excess liquid from the meat and arrange close together on drying rack of the dehydrator. Dry the strips eight to twelve hours. (I let mine dry overnight.) Remove from drying rack, then place in airtight container for storage.

Before giving your gift, think of an elaborate animal to go with your roadkill story.

It could be something as simple as:

“Well honey, I was traveling down Piney Creek Road when this little critter (a jackrabbit, rat, possum, or porcupine) committed suicide. I couldn't believe it when he ran under my tires, clean as a whistle.”

“Darline, look what treasure I found while hunting squirrels? Fresh deer! Jack, over yonder, hit it while out huntin' coyotes. This will hold us for a week!”

“I swear I wasn't hunting illegal, it flew right into the truck. Honest! It broke it neck, but the rest was barely busted. All I had to do was peel it from the grill. Feathers are a little ruffled, but I can use them to tie flies for fishin'.”

“Honey, Bob and I was trappin' snappers, when I decided to water a tree. There it (raccoon) was barely puffed up. Someone must have hit him while coon hunting. It hadn't been dead more than a couple of hours. Little tenderizer and he will taste great.”

Practice in the mirror until the proper emotions are mastered. Now present your culprit with you wonderful gift, daring them to taste it. Then...set back with a strait face, and watch the reactions fly.