Be Your Own Dentist While Curing Acne With a Cheese Grater!

I wrote this hub for Stan Fletcher’s contest Killer Ideas for Your Next Hub.

Dear Mr. Stan Fletcher,

Just to let you know, I could never be my own dentist. I can’t stand the thought of using a foreign object to dig away at an abscessed tooth. However, I have been asked to be like a dentist to help someone else out.

Here is my idea of helping someone (in this case a poor teenager) to be their own dentist while curing acne with a cheese grater.

All it takes is a little imagination.

It will take a couple bottles of cherry flavored NyQuil to get the numbness going followed by a bit of a buzz. Don’t forget the fishing pole with a heavy test line and cheese grater. Be sure to have a puke bucket handy.

Children, bless their hearts, are plagued by a deadly chocolate disease that brings on a contagious case of acne. Their teeth begin to rot as their face pops out with spots, so it is handy to have some dental knowledge when dealing with high profile cases.

While they are experiencing a sugar high, dope them up with a couple bottles of cherry flavored NyQuil to prepare them for the dental work. Have them prop themselves up on pillows while lying on the couch in a comfortable position, head tilted back. Jaws opened wide, tie the end of a fishing line around the deteriorated tooth, making sure all the slack is taken up. Make sure to distract them with humorous pictures of Grandpa in a thong to keep their mind off the upcoming pain. Now, once everyone is primed, give the fishing pole a hard yank. If properly prepared, the agonizing tooth should come flying out with ease. Careful not to loose the tooth so the child may give it to the tooth fairy.

With the offending tooth out of the way, the parent is able to focus on the troublesome acne. Using a cotton ball dripping with rubbing alcohol, smear it along the troubled spots. This will not only clean and disinfect, but has a numbing agent to coincide with the NyQuil. A cheese grater with a long handle works best when scrubbing off the acne. Once the white heads have bled, reapply the rubbing alcohol to re-clean and disinfect. The child is now ready to face the world with a chipper smile and rosy face.